"TONIGHTS THE LAST, SO SAY GOODBYE"
9.12.2011
We arrived at Church much earlier tonight; having obeyed the strict time guide yesterday and being so far back in the line! We waited away from the main gate as to not get in trouble then as the meet time approached, we headed to the gate to line up. After a much shorter wait than the night before, we entered the church. Tonight the heating was up so high that I was actually HOT and the boys were having to undress throughout the show... not that I heard anyone complaining about that.
I had a second row package booked tonight so sat on the aisle end of the right hand pew. Kit sat on the aisle side of the left hand pew to ensure we both had a great view. Three other Echelon joined me that I chatted to them between leaning over the little latched gate into the pew and talking across the aisle to Kit. As we waited patiently, I slid over a little to see between the two people in front of me and shortly after something I will never forget happened.
The beautiful Dai from The Hive came up to me and leant in and asked me if anyone was sitting beside me. I said No and she asked me “Do you mind if Jared’s Mom sits there?” Naturally, my immediate response was “Of course not!” I mean, it would be an honor - it would be an honor to any Echelon! I grinned over at Kit and she asked me what was going on. I leant as far over to her as possible and cupped my hands around my mouth. “I think Momma Leto is sitting with me.” I whispered. I will admit, I was nervous. I was more nervous than I was meeting the MARS boys themselves! I relaxed as soon as she arrived though as she grabbed my hand and introduced herself to me.
She was absolutely lovely and obviously so proud of all of the boys which was just beautiful to see.
Justina; the girl who played the bunny in the Hurricane video, sat next to Kit across the aisle and at one point, Momma Leto leant over and said to her “We’re sitting with Aussies!” - How cute! hehehe.
The show was quite similar to the night before, however tonight the PS22 children’s choir joined MARS on the ‘stage’ for a few songs. The kids were fantastic and one little girl caught Jared by surprise. He handed his guitar to her to hold as he took off his jacket and she thought it was hers to keep! I think he was a little shocked LOL! but he gave her his blue jacket to wear when he took the guitar back from her which was hilarious as it was completely hanging off her.
I managed to hold myself together throughout the show quite well tonight, somehow… but I did get a little emotional through ‘Revenge’, ‘Kings And Queens’ and as Jared asked us to kneel in the pews as he sang the final song; ‘A Modern Myth’.
Jared swore at one point, quickly realizing and saying he’d have to go say however many hell Mary’s out the back.
As the boys got to the last song of the night, Jared said that while he knew what the last song was, his fingers didn’t want to play the chords because then it would mean it was over. I’m sure a lot of tears fell at that point from everyone in the room, myself included.
As Jared sang ‘A Modern Myth’ I welled up. It was a beautiful, yet heart breaking way to end this incredible journey, the last words to leave Jared’s mouth being ‘Goodbye’ over and over. It wasn’t until the boys headed backstage and Constance said Goodbye to me that I cried, suddenly the realization that it was all over suddenly hitting me.
We formed a big long line right the way around the outside of the pews and awaited the boys. Jared came out and did a photo shoot with Terry which was absolutely incredible to watch. We saw the photos on Terry’s Diary a couple of days later and it is quite amazing to have seen both sides of it. The thing that amazes me is how it was such a simple process, with such amazing results. I guess that’s what happens when you’re working with The Leto's as your subject matter. No editing necessary ;) haha. Shannon came out shortly after and joined in, Terry now snapping photos of him as he climbed onto a ledge and smiled.
I tried to organize my things in the pew behind me and awaited the boys. I had so much stuff to try and juggle tonight so wanted to be as organized as possible! Jared and Shannon stood by the photo backdrop chatting to their team while Tomo was still backstage. Eventually he joined the others and the Meet and Greet began.
Tomo got to me first, approaching down the line from my right. He stopped in front of me and I held out my red Echelon wristband for him to sign. He only signed it small, probably assuming he had to leave room for the others. I only got Tomo to sign my wristband though, Shannon was to sign my 'Misletoe/Kiss A Leto' shirt and Jared, the guitar pick from the show that I'd gotten. After Tomo signed the wristband, I handed him the Thankyou card I had made for the guys, they had one each. As I went to hand it to him, I wanted to say Thankyou as well. Tomo had been the one who had made me so happy way back at the start of my MARS journey in Taipei, so I was determined to say Thankyou to him. I felt myself well up the instant I looked at him and tried to speak "I just want to say Thankyou..." I said, now looking away from him and making a 'phew' sound, knowing I was getting emotional. "Oh gosh, you're gonna make me cry." I said looking back at him. He was looking at me, but started leaving as he said "No, I'm not." And moved to the next person. I remember it clearly. It was the only time I'd ever felt like Tomo had kind of brushed me off and I was confused. I was a little upset, but I knew there must be a reason so I didn’t let it get to me too much. Once he'd moved a few people away I looked at Katie and said something about what had happened, but I don’t remember what.
As I thought about it later back at the apartment that night, I started wondering if maybe he had reacted the way he did because it wasn’t easy for him either. Maybe he just didn’t want to see me, or anyone for that matter, getting upset in front of him because it was the end. I obviously have no idea why it happened and never will, but I don’t hold it against him at all. I still love Tomo to death!
Shannon and Jared approached us next, both coming in from opposite sides, with Shannon getting to us first. I handed him the same Thankyou card I'd given Tomo and said "This is for you." He thanked me with a smile, then I asked him "Can you sign my shirt?" "Of course," he said, holding his pen out as I grabbed the bottom of my shirt and held it out so he could sign it. As well as the card, I also made an A3 poster that I gave to him. I had intended to hang it on the front of the pew at yesterday's show, however I thought it would be a little inappropriate once I'd actually been in the Church, so I decided to give it to the boys today. I handed the rolled up poster tied with ribbon to him and asked "Can you please look at it now?" with a smile. He gave me a curious look. "I want to see your reaction." I said still smiling. He untied the ribbon and rolled out the poster a little cautiously. He stood there reading and then laughed a little as he looked back at me and said “Clever.” Seriously, he must think I am so freakin’ cheeky! “Show the others..." I said with a giggle. "I will." he said and then moved along.
We now waited on Jared who was approaching from my right. He went to move along from the girl beside me but she started telling him something so he stopped half in front of me, now turning back to her. As he was standing there and she was talking to him, his eyes were looking over and I realized he was reading my shirt. I felt a bit awkward so averted my eyes until he was done. Eventually he stepped over and said 'Hi', his hand already grabbing my shirt and going to sign it. "Ahh" I squealed without even thinking, as I wanted him to sign my guitar pick, not the shirt. He jumped back as I squealed with a little shocked/OMG look on his face and "Ahh'd" back a tiny bit. I think he was just playing though LOL. "No I want you to sign my pick!" I said. Before he could say anything, Kit, who was standing to my left, told me off… "Let him sign your shirt!!!!!" she said in a “what the hell are you doing?!” kind of way LOL. Before I could say anything he was already holding his pen out ready to sign it again. I grabbed the bottom of it and held it out and he signed it. He signed right on the blacked in box on the shirt so he is now the base of my Leto Christmas Tree LOL!
When he'd signed the shirt I said "I have so much stuff for you..." and quickly turned back to the pew, grabbing all the things. I swung around and handed him the signed 'Family' word that I'd been gathering Echelon autographs all week on. I handed it to him outside the box so he would see how everyone had put their twitter names on there. "I know it's early, but Happy Birthday." I said handing it to him with a smile. As he took it out of my hands he said "Oh this is fun!" and then looked at it for a moment as I was getting his Thankyou card out. Again, I wanted to actually thank him but I wasn't emotional this time. I handed him his card and said "I know it says it on there, but I want to say Thankyou for everything." I said, actually a little surprised it had come out of my mouth exactly the way it was meant to. He had taken the card and was looking at it as I said Thankyou and as I finished, he looked up at me and said "You're welcome world traveler." I grinned and blushed at the nickname. "Thanks Jared." I said. Then (as I always seem to do) I almost forgot about his pick in my hand and realizing just as he was about to leave, I held it out flat on my palm. He signed it (neatly! YAY!) I said Thankyou and then he stepped along a little.
As he moved over, Kit said “Great show.” Or something along those lines. He stopped and spoke to us both at the same time. "Last night was better though, right?" he asked us. "Nooooooo." Kit said as I stared at him shaking my head. "You're always great Jared." I said. That was obviously my auto-response-speak-before-thinking happening again. “And I cried less!” I said (for some unknown reason).
As everyone waited for Jared to finish seeing everyone, Shannon jumped up on stage and sat down at the piano and began playing it. I stood there staring, with my mouth slightly open in complete awe. Is there anything this man *can't* do?! It was beautiful watching him sit there playing. We all clapped as he stopped and he got up and wandered away like it was absolutely nothing.
We prepared ourselves for the photos and our side was going first so we were among the first to get ours done. I was grinning like an idiot as I walked up to the boys. I’m actually sitting here smiling as I write this thinking back to that moment. As soon as I walked up Jared let out a “wUH-OH!” looking at my shirt again. “Am I allowed to ask you to pretend to kiss my cheek?” I asked him laughing. For some reason Shannon was distracted off the other way so it ended up being only Jared that I spoke to. I don’t remember what he said in response as I slotted between him and Shannon. Now having his attention, I put my arm around Shannon and looked at him. “Can you pretend to kiss my cheek?” I asked. He gave me a funny look, kind of grinning and probably thinking I was cheeky shit for asking (haha). I put on my best puppy eyes and said “You only have to pretend…” then turned back to the camera. I saw Jared come into my peripheral vision so I figured he was probably playing along and I tried desperately not to laugh. I had no idea where Shannon was or what he was doing but from the laughs I could hear around the room I figured he was probably playing along too. I knew it would be a great photo!
I still can’t look at my photo without smiling and thinking back to the whole scenario and hearing Jared’s “wUH-OH!” as I walked up. LOL!
If I could go back in time, knowing where Shan was, I possibly would be totally cheeky and quickly kiss his cheek but you know, I wouldn’t want to get in trouble so it’s probably best I didn’t know at the time hahaha.
One thing I never do, I’m not sure why, but whenever I walk away from the boys after my photo I *never* look back at them. Today I told myself I had to because it was my final Goodbye. I didn’t actually stop in front of them as I didn’t want to take up their time but as I started to move away, I looked back and connected my eyes to each of them and said ‘Thankyou’.
I know it won’t make sense, but what happened next meant a hell of a lot to me and made me happy, but also kind of broke my heart.
As I turned and walked away from them, I heard Jared speak. “Travel safe” he said. I turned back and looked at him and he said it again. “Travel safe”. He was looking dead at me, the next person in line already getting in beside him and the look on his face was just… I don’t know how to describe it, but I can still see it clearly. I welled up and felt a tear fall when I blinked as I turned away from them and headed back toward the door. I held it in as best as possible until I was outside as to not make a scene but as soon as I got outside I let the tears fall, that final moment seared into my brain and replaying over and over. It was the last Goodbye and without knowing if and when I would ever see them again, it completely broke my heart.
It had been a beautiful show but of course, knowing it was the end was tough. I will admit that I wasn’t holding myself together very well at all as we waited outside the gate and hoped we’d get to see someone as they left. Jared came out after a little while and stopped for a couple of minutes to say Goodbye.
For me, even though I know he was there, I don’t really remember it. I know I saw him but I couldn’t tell you a word of what he said, the type of car he hopped in… anything.
We left the Church with a couple of other lovely girls and ended up having a very late dinner at a close-by Italian restaurant before going home, closing the MARS New York chapter.
So this is the end of my MARS adventure... It feels so wrong saying that having traveled every 2-3 months to see them at different places around the globe. I’m sad that it has come to an end but I’m grateful for the amazing memories, incredible experiences and the beautiful people that I’ve met along the way.
I Thankyou for being a part of this and sharing my journey with me and I hope, even if only in a tiny way I have made you feel a little closer to the band that I know we all adore so much.
All I will do now is hope that someday I will get to do it all again.
Until then, I love you Echelon and Provehito in altum.
Sugar
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